Wednesday, April 10, 2013

You are useless, you are nothing

?You are useless, you are nothing!? I was use to tonics boozy rages now. He never hit me? that his words did.

popping had changed. He wasn?t the loving father that he one time was. He was disguised in a blanket of hate, petulance and resentment.

I was the only claw and it never utilize to touch me. Most children dislike the fact that they are the only child due to the threat of boredom and loneliness. But that never came crosswise me. I had two wonderful parents that were of all time there. To pull back me laugh, make me happy, pick me up when I?d fall everyplace and give me love and support if I?d cry.

I remember when I would play football with dad. He would always let me win and call me his little champ. I wasn?t his little champ anymore. I was useless, I was nothing. I was a nobody to him and it tore my heart apart. I was some var. of vexation to dad, a pest that he would shoe away. why, Why? Why had it happened to me? Things honorable seemed so perfect and then everything came crashing down. I wanted dad to love me like he used to. I wanted to fix things, fix myself and fix dad.

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I would sit in front of the television with dad and instigate for the tiny speckled spots running over the screen, but he didn?t take any notice. He would just ignore my presence, slugged in his favourite green old chair, a bottle of spirits perched on his lap, dozing on and off. I wanted to succeed. For dad to see I was worth something. I clamoured for perplexity and for his acceptance. Was I asking too much for a 12 year old boy?I even asked dad why...

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